on where i've been

people ask me how i'm doing. honestly, i don't know. i haven't been able to find words to describe it, aside from feeling like i'm still in the fog of comprehending what's happened over the last four months. some days i refuse to believe it's true and sometimes i break down wondering how my life could ever continue without her. getting back to los angeles scared me because reminders of her would come flooding back. i would call her on my way into work most days of the week, or while i was baking i'd ring her for consultation (is it supposed to look like that?). i just want to hear her voice again.

on march 26th, my mom peacefully took her last breaths of air. my heart feels like it has been torn into millions of tiny pieces. to have this huge part of my heart now missing from my life is utterly overwhelming.

i made an emergency trip home to boston over a month ago when my mom entered a hospice residence. i wept with my family as we grasped the enormity of the catastrophe lying ahead. now that we're in it, i'm finding at times a certain comfort to share with others who have experienced a similar loss. as my friend sara put it, we're in a club together that a select few can understand. a club we would never ask to join.

my mom was the epicenter of our family. we stayed in orbit because of her. i'm worried about what might happen to us without her. as my brother wisely noted, she was a force of nature. how can we exist without that force?

what i will say from this experience so far, is that i have some of the most amazing, caring, loving, fantastic friends and family around me. i compare it to a meditation i learned a few months ago where one of the visualizations was to imagine yourself being lifted in the air on a fluffy cloud. my friends and family were and continue to be that cloud for me. i'm forever grateful to them, beyond words can convey.

soon i'll feel inspired to be in this space again, i'm still figuring out living day by day.



mums and me at the getty center a couple of years ago.


weekend creative

hi loves! how's your monday going so far? i'm wishing it was still the weekend, how about you?

i decided this weekend would be dedicated to food! i spent saturday going to two grocery stores with a friend, and rounded it out with a third store yesterday! but it was worth it to spend an afternoon making lots of healthy foods!

i had to share this red lentil soup recipe with you all because it is seriously delicious. i'm pretty happy for it to start a heavy rotation in my kitchen!what favorite foods do you love to make?

{images by me}


foggy brained

is anyone else experiencing the fog these days? i can't seem to sweep it away. i've been feeling just a general malaise and lack of inspiration happening in my life. i'm trying to ride it out and hope that the creativity comes back soon. what do you do to get yourself inspired? any tips or suggestions?


my favorite uncle loaned me his hasselblad a couple of years ago. i've be been so paralyzed with fear about shooting with it because i don't want to harm it in any way (for those of you who aren't photo nerds, this is a very expensive and gorgeous camera!).

so a few weeks ago i mentioned to a friend how i have this amazing camera sitting in my closet that i'm afraid to use! lucky for me he proposed a photo challenge, and low and behold it got me out to shoot a roll of film! the results were fairly mediocre, but here is one unexpected double exposure i thought i'd share with you. it is a combination of a sign i've always loved on la cienega, and the view from a hike along temescal canyon.

here's hoping we all find that spark of inspiration soon!{image by me}


weekend creative 

hello again, dearies! did you have a nice weekend? hopefully a few of you had president's day off as i did. it was really lovely to have an extra day of the weekend. too bad they can't all be like that! did you have any fun adventures?

i had an amazing trip to solvang with my girlfriends! it was so great to relax and laugh it up! tasting some nice wine was pretty fantastic, too!what have you been up to?

{images by me}


good things

happy friday, friends! finally finding time on this rainy afternoon to post! it's been a great week back to posting on h+r. thanks for being here!

what do you have planned for your weekend? i'm excited for an annual trip to solvang with girlfriends!

the good things

1 :: having an amazing phone chat with my auntie!

2 :: anna finds the coolest things!

3 :: many cups of earl grey tea.

4 :: loving kate's beauty finds.

5 :: tuna melts and beers with seriously awesome buddies.

happy weekending, all!

{polaroid by anne bowerman}